Match Oh My

I’ve gone ahead and done it. I signed up for Match.com. Wow. After spending the last hour skimming through profiles and adjusting mine, I can report that, based on my initial impression, it is indeed ugly out there. 35-year olds saying they’re looking for EIGHTEEN to 25-year olds, men with really, really bad or creepy pictures winking at me, and lots of people who can’t spell.

The good news is: I put myself out there. As my Uncle says, I’m just putting out my racket and keeping myself open. This is going to be either interesting, dull, wonderful, good practice, or none of the above. Stay tuned. Thanks for all of your advice!

Weight Loss Ain’t Easy

I’m hungry, tired, and cranky. All I want out of life right now is a pint of mint chocolate chip haagen dazs ice cream. I could eat the whole thing I swear, and even though my stomach would feel sick, I would savor each and ever decadent bite. I don’t know if I want it because my body is craving sugar like it was water and I was stuck in a desert, parched, achey, and covered by a fine layer of whitish salt, OR if this is an emotional eating craving thing as a result of the fact that I’m cranky, bored, and procrastinating from doing work that I was supposed to be doing for the last 3 hours (that I didn’t do because I was finally catching up on my blog reading on bloglines). All I know is that I effing want some god damn ice cream.

When I pointed this out to my mother during a phone conversation a few hours ago, she said, “I never had those cravings on the South Beach Diet.” By way of background, my mom turned into superwoman a few years ago, decided she wanted to lose some weight and in a few weeks on the South Beach Diet managed to lose 26 pounds. The woman didn’t cheat, didn’t have cravings, worked out regularly, and has kept ALL the weight off. She’s amazing.

I, not unfortunately but differently, am less than amazing. I’m tired every morning when I wake up (I don’t know if it’s the diet or a lack of solid sleep) and have hardly any energy throughout the day, except immediately after a medium sized Starbuck’s. I finish my meager breakfast and immediately want more. I eye the clock and at 11:00 am decide that I absolutely must have at least some fiber crackers or I am likely to perish. At lunch it’s the same thing. I finish the lean protein/veggie combo and I want more. An hour later, when I feel a slight hint of hunger, it’s all I can do to prevent myself from reaching for another Fruit & Flavor snack bar.

I may be the worst dieter ever. And, don’t even get me started on the gym. I’ve been going, and I’ve been making a valiant effort to work out, but that’s about it. Even with music, for the last week, my running has been pitiful. I have barely been able to bring myself to do 2.5 miles, and I have to stop in the middle, sometimes twice!

Despite all of that, I’m doing it (I am not, for example, having a fudgsicle tonight, so help me God). I’m doing the diet, I’m doing the working out, and I’m keeping my fingers crossed that with continued diligence and effort, it will all start to pay off. Dieting will become easier, running will become easier, and I’ll get svelter, stronger, and sleeker.

But, for right now, let me just say, this is freakin’ hard. More power to any and all of you out there who have actually lost weight. You have my undying admiration.

Fudgsicle Battles

Written in fine print on the bottom of each box of Fudgsicles should be the words: “Dangerous: Approach With Caution At Your Own Risk.” Although my diet allows, and in fact requires me to have a dessert each evening, and although I was doing really well when said dessert was an Edy’s no-sugar popsicle, things have not been so rosy in Buttercup’s Weight Loss World since two boxes of Fudgsicles made their way into my freezer last week.

The first episode happened on Thursday, after I had come home from the gym and eaten my usual meal of boca burgers and veggies. I waited for about 20 seconds after finishing my last bite of okra before I was up at the freezer reaching for a fudgsicle. So much for proper digestion and having dessert as a snack sometime after the meal. Oh my god, the fudgsicle was so good. It was also only 60 calories which made walking over to the freezer and busting out another one so very, very easy.

After finishing my second 60-calorie pop, it came to my mind – quite out of nowhere – that the second box of fudgsicles contained 40-calorie pops. Doing the math quickly, I realized that I had consumed only 120 calories of fudgsicle, which was about 800 calories less than what I would have consumed had I eaten a pint of Haagen Dazs Ice Cream instead. At the time, with an 800 calorie window, walking over the freezer and busting out a 40 calorie pop seemed like a no-brainer.

By the time I finished my third fudgsicle, my stomach hurt enough to eclipse the fudgsicle yearning that was still emanating wildly from my mind and mouth. Why do my mouth and mind love chocolate so? I could bathe in chocolate if it didn’t clog my pores, and I could eat it every day, surviving on it and it alone, if it didn’t cause me to blow up like a blimp. Chocolate, oh chocolate, a doomed love affair.

The second episode happened tonight, and exemplifies a key problem that I need to resolve within myself. Namely, my ability to split, without a moment’s notice, into two different personalities, one that acts like a reckless teenager and the other who acts like a healthy, bossy, adult. The teenager wants what it wants NOW – usually food, but sometimes other equally destructive things – and it couldn’t care less about the consequences. The adult tries to be healthy but is repeatedly taken over by the teenager. (I think the adult may also really like chocolate, and may secretly wish to not be in charge).

Tonight, I came home after having a great day (so there was no emotional eating involved, or at least none of which I’m aware), ate my boca burgers and okra, and then had a fudgsicle for dessert. Upon finishing the fudgsicle, I immediately wanted another one.

Or, I should say half of me wanted another one. Immediately.

The other half of me tried to say “no.” It said, “Buttercup, under no circumstances WHATSOEVER are you allowed to have that fudgsicle. I mean it! You are going to be FAT, FAT, FAT. Don’t even think about going to the freezer. I mean it!“

The first half didn’t even bother saying, “Fuck you.” It just took control of my body, sashayed over to the freezer, opened up a fudgsicle, and reveled in the taste of the cool chocolaty goodness melting on my tongue. (The other half also reveled, despite fully being aware that this would probably mean FAILURE for my second week on the diet).

This, after a fantasic day! I didn’t even have a snack! I was so good! Why did I have to have a second fudgsicle? Bad. Bad. Bad.

Thank god, both halves stopped after the second one. Somehow, I have to bring those two together. Ms. Rebellion and Ms. Bossy, Ms. Body wishes to see you.

The food wars must end.

Internet Dating Advice?

I’m in need of your wisdom, advice, expertise, and writing abilities. After some contemplation, I’ve almost decided to sign up for Match.com. Having been unable to come up with a reason not to do it, other than it takes too much energy, and the guys could be dull and/or psycho, I’ve basically decided to give it a shot. Why not? It can’t be worse than The Onion.

Before I can get started, there are a few things that I need, including (1) a description of me and my perfect match filled with fun and interesting details about moi; (2) a zingy username that sums up me in a word; and (3) a one-line description that again sums up me and what I’m looking for.

Simple, right? Try, impossible. I’m not good at this kind of stuff at all. Have any of you gone through this? The whole tooting your own horn while being tantalizing, engaging, and welcoming… Yawn. But, yet, I have to do it if I’m going to go on Match, find my dream man, and fall madly in love. Only these three small things stand between me and my future happiness. You see how much is at stake.

Let’s take them in order:

A Description of Me:

I thought I might include the following facts: I like to travel and recently went to Mexico and India. I’m in to being healthy and like running, pilates, and yoga. I also like reading, music, art museums, wandering through the city, being outdoors, scuba diving, and spending time with family and friends. I think the following words describe me: Open-minded, compassionate, honest, introspective, feminist, and adventurous.

What else? Too blah? Not enough? Too much? If you were me and had to describe me, what would you say?

A zingy username:

The username is supposed to be something tied to your personality, like “Hiker Girl” for someone really in to hiking. I like many different things and can’t come up with one username that represents all of me. It’s supposed to be something catchy that gives a hint of your personality or interests. What do you think?

One-line description:

Match.com emphasizes how important this step is. Apparently it’s the one chance you have for your “voice” to be heard on your profile. Omg, the pressure! It’s supposed to be something like “blah blah blah seeks blah blah blah.” The examples they use are so dorky they makes my toes curl. For example, “Nature-loving carpenter seeks a partner on life’s path. Let’s hike the Appalachian trail together.” Um, hello, gag me with a spoon. Or what about this one, “Lawyer who rescues stray cats seeks kind-hearted companion.”? That’s not that bad, but a little cheesy and lame in my humble opinion.

Kind readers, I’m throwing these questions out to you. Knowing the ‘Cup as you do:

(1) What interesting facts about me would you put in a profile?

(2) What’s a good username?

(3) What’s a good one-line description?

My internet dating success is now in your capable hands. Don’t let me down!

I Rock!

Starrlight just honored me with a Rockin’ Girl Blogger Award! Wow! I’m truly honored. When I started this blog, I did it mainly to provide a creative outlet for myself. I was also motivated by a subversive desire to throw a little more feminist pixie dust out into the ether. If anyone had asked me at that time how I wanted my non-existent readers to view me, even if I wouldn’t have said it out loud, and even though I didn’t necessarily believe it totally of myself at the time, secretly, on the inside, I would have wished that at least a few of them would think that I rock. Apparently, my wish came true. Thanks Starrlight!!

There are many Girl Bloggers that I read who unquestionably also deserve this award. Allow me to pass the Rockin’ Girl Blogger Award along to five of my all-time faves. The following Girl Bloggers are fierce, funny, compassionate, witty, inspiring, supportive, introspective, wise, whimsical, sassy women, and they all totally ROCK:

1) Wood: I love this girl like a sister. She’s been there for me during the last 6 1/2 years in ways that I could never repay, mainly because she’s so freakin’ strong, put together, and balanced that she hardly ever needs any support from me. She’s a wonderful mom, and a loving and supportive partner to her husband Dutch, who works outside of the home, and, among other things, teaches gymnastics in her spare time. Basically, she is Superwoman. Thank god she’s on my side.

2) Gypsy: This sultry, fire-cracker recently opened up a restaurant with her love, Lancelot, and has been working her fingers to the bone, in between other activities, to make the place a success. She also has the honor of being the person who gave me the metaphor that I needed in order to make the decision to leave my heinous Old Firm for my lovely new one. Gypsy, who knew that a 5 story building could be oh so much better than a 10 story one?

3) Wordnerd: I’m grateful for the many occasions on which she has shared her deep, compassionate, penetrating insight with me. She once asked me, after I had written a post about why I hated Old Firm, why my sense of personal self-worth was tied to my success or failure at Old Firm. That’s the type of penetrating question that will make a girl think, and it did.

4) Starshine: My first official “blog buddy,” Starshine is one of the warmest, kindest, most bubbly individuals that I have ever met. She’s going to be married in less than two weeks to an absolutely wonderful man that I’ve also had the pleasure of meeting. I’m so excited for both of them and I wish them a lifetime of love, health, and happiness.

5) Interstellar Lass: Lass is also someone I put on the “super woman” list. She’s the mother of two incredibly active children, she works outside of the home, and she and her husband just decided to to take in her Dad to live with them. That is such a generous, beautiful, and right thing to do, and I applaud her for taking care of her Dad like that.

Congrats Ladies! You all rock!

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Reasons I Love My New Firm

1) I no longer feel sick to my stomach and depressed each week day.

2) I no longer feel like I’m stuck in the Matrix.

3) I no longer feel like my firm is trying to kill me.

4) I no longer have to fight for enough time to complete the work assigned to me.

5) There hasn’t been a Black Saturday since I started working at New Firm.

6) I no longer need a Plan B, because I’m actually happy in my current situation.

7) New Firm is not a toxic cesspool.

I no longer feel miserable or the need to be darkly humorous about my misery.

9) I can say “no” here without fearing for my life.

10) No more Dragon Lady.

11) I no longer feel like my work is an inconsequential, waste of time.

12) I finally have time to do things that I want to do.

13) I no longer hate being a lawyer.

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Ask and Ye Shall Receive

Starshine and Prue asked me to share what a typical day on the diet is like, and since as a general rule I love getting questions and answering them, I’m more than happy to oblige. Below is what I ate today, which, in light of the fact that I only have a few choices for each meal and snack, is very typical of what I’ve been eating for the last 10 days.

Buttercup’s Wednesday Menu:

Breakfast: Vita Muffin + Dannon Light ‘n Fit Yogurt + Coffee with skim milk.

Snack: 4 Fiber Rich Crackers with thin layer of All Fruit Jam.

Lunch: Salad with salmon, mixed veggies, and a dash of vinegar (no carrots, peas, beets, corn, or balsamic vinegar), + 2 Fiber Rich Crackers with All Fruit Jam + Diet Coke.

Snack: Endulge Snack Bar + Fuze “Slenderize” Drink.

Dinner: Piece of Salmon + equal amount Broccoli + 20 Almonds (the almonds were extra, but I was really hungry today after working out so I ate them as I cooked the salmon).

Dessert: Fudgesicle.

All Day: 1 – 2 liters of water a day with at least three glasses mixed with the Green Tea Extract.

I love the breakfasts and highly recommend the Vita Muffins (you can buy them in bulk from the website, but remember to get the low carb no sugar 2 oz. muffins or muffin tops). I also thoroughly enjoy dessert which is generally a Fudgesicle or an Eddy’s Sugar Free Popsicle. Only 60 calories! Other than a little bit of hunger late in the morning and afternoon, I’ve felt pretty satisfied each day.

I’m a little hungry tonight but I think it’s because my dinner was too small, especially in light of the fact that I worked out. You are allowed to eat as much dinner and lunch as you want as long as you eat only lean protein and veggies in the correct proportion prescribed by the nutritionist. Because I’m exercising three times a week I’m supposed to eat an equal amount of lean protein and veggies (50% protein to 50% veggies). When I was exercising zero times a week the amount of food I was supposed to eat did not change, but the proportion of lean protein to veggies did (55% protein to 45% veggies).

According to my nutritionist, this diet is approximately 1300 calories a day, which obviously I could not live on without turning into a stick, but makes sense for weight-loss mode. Also, as Em and I were discussing today, I probably end up eating more than 1300 calories because of the fact that lunch and dinner amounts can be quite large, depending upon how much food it takes to make you full.

You are supposed to stop eating when you are full. That’s one of the main lessons that I hope to take away from this experience at the end of the six weeks.

Body By Buttercup Update: Week 1

I went to the nutritionist today to get the results for Week 1 of my new healthy eating regime (it’s a diet). I stepped on the scale in her office, conscious of the fact that my clothes were adding extra weight, wished silently for good results, and was rewarded for all those Fiber Rich crackers I’ve been snacking on in lieu of this, this, and this.

In 9 days, I lost 4 pounds!

Woo-hoo! From my starting weight of 139.6 (I left off the .6 in my original Body By Buttercup post), I am now down to 135.4. Later, when I got home and stripped off all my clothes, I weighed in at 133.5, which is only 1.5 pounds more than the top of my usual weight range, and only around 6 pounds above my target weight of 128! It’s also the first time I’ve seen the number “33″ in like three months.

What did we learn from this experience? You should always weigh yourself naked.

I was happy to lose the 4 pounds, but, ever the Achiever, even happier when the nutritionist told me that I had done an excellent job. When I first saw the results, I was worried that she would say that I had not lost enough. I had cheated a few times during the week, including having 4 Bacardi and diet cokes, one and a half glasses of red wine, and a small pinkberry frozen yogurt, and I was afraid the numbers were going to sell me out. I had written everything down on the sheet, so my cheating was fully disclosed, but I was afraid the nutritionist was going to look at the results and then say that I could have done a lot better. However, my fears were unfounded. She said I had done 97% of the program perfectly. I got a 97%!! That’s an A +. Yay! I love A+s.

Beyond the poundage and the validation, what made me feel really great was the fact that I’m actually being disciplined. Apparently, I’m perfectly capable and strong enough to be disciplined and in control of what I put into my body. Shockingly, I do not have to feed random emotional cravings with chocolate, ice cream, and home made meringues. Who knew? Prior to starting the program, I had been really nervous that I would be unable to stick with the program. It had been so long since I had made a conscious, continuous effort to eat healthy, I honestly doubted if I could get back on the healthy wagon again. Well, good news, it turns out you can totally get back on the wagon. All it takes is one step in the right direction.

It’s the same with having a routine. There I was, last week, frustrated at myself for not having a routine, feeling like a failure for not having my life together (I’m aware that this sounds like I’m being hard on myself), and then I took one step forward by going to the gym on Friday, which was followed by another step by going to the gym on Saturday. And then, buoyed up by the success of going those two days, and motivated by my new dress (it seriously is working better than a yellow polka dot string bikini), I vowed to go to the gym three times this week. And guess what? Suddenly, this week, I have a routine! Since I was social on Monday and I have plans Thursday and Friday, I need to go to they gym Tuesday and Wednesday. Presto! It’s like my life is starting to run itself.

Here’s what I think the routine is shaping up to look like:

Monday: Gym.

Tuesday: Therapy + Me Time.

Wednesday: Gym (or Thursday)(maybe yoga during lunch).

Thursday: Something Social (or Gym)(maybe yoga during lunch).

Friday: Something Social (maybe pilates in the morning).

Saturday: Gym in the morning and Something Social at night.

Sunday: Rest.

I’m sure that was fascinating for everyone. It’s actually really important for me to have a routine. I haven’t had one since Law School, and I think the lack of a routine has been a big part of why I have felt lost and uncentered in the past. But, those days are gone People. We’re changing things up around here tout de suite!

Green Tea Extract

One of the products that my nutritionist suggested as part of my 6-week health program is HerbaSway’s Peach Green Tea extract. Peach because it tastes good. Green tea extract because it provides you with an anti-oxidant boost that is supposed to assist your metabolism and enhance weight loss while you’re on a diet. The idea, simplified, being that if your metabolism is functioning at its prime, calories will be metabolized efficiently and not stored as excess fat.

Although the bottle suggests swirling a dropper full of extract into a 6 oz. glass of hot or cold water, my nutritionist recommended three droppers full of extract in order to maximize the benefits of the supplement. I’ve been taking the supplement for a little over a week now, and although I can not yet say if it’s had a beneficial impact on my weight loss efforts, I can report that it’s a tasty way of drinking water throughout the day.

I’ll be meeting with my nutritionist in about 2 hours to discuss my progress during the past week, and to be weighed officially. Yikes! I’ve never been obsessive about scales before, and though I’m fairly certain I’ve lost a few pounds, I must admit that I’m slightly nervous. I want to see progress! A full report of my meeting will be forthcoming later this evening. Stay tuned.

Weekend Redux

The weekend was busy, productive, and way too short. I spent time with Em, went dress shopping with Lakshmi for a wedding I’m attending in two weeks and found a cute dress, met some friends for drinks at The Musical Box down in the East Village, had a 20 minute massage in a tiny Chinese shop that was better than most massages I’ve gotten in fancy salons around the city, and had my hair dyed to cover up some yellow highlights that had been annoying me.

I went back to my old hair stylist and admitted that I had “cheated” on him with the stylist who had put in the highlights. He welcomed me back with open arms and did a nice job. It’s so nice to be together again. His salon is the best because their shampoos includes the most decadent, sinful head massage imaginable. Frankly, it’s so good that it’s hard not to think about sex while it’s happening. On the hair front, I’m glad the yellow is gone, but now that I’m back to the monochrome dark brown, I feel a little too much like a goth for my tastes. *sigh*

The big success of the weekend was that I made it to the gym not once but twice! On Friday evening, I ran for 30 minutes and then lifted some weights, and on Saturday morning, I ran for 30 minutes and then did a pilates class. I was motivated to go, in part, because after only a week of eating healthy I had already started to notice a difference, and I knew that if I went to the gym I’d see even greater results. Once I got to the gym, I was psyched to be there, and very proud of myself. It felt good.

As far as all the dating stuff that was plaguing me last week, it was funny because the minute I got on the treadmill and started running I suddenly found myself thinking, Whatever, I can totally do the dating thing. I don’t need to wait for any silly boys. I’m awesome. You gotta love endorphins. I also had a number of fruitful conversations that helped me get a more balanced perspective on the whole dating thing. More on that later.

Now that I have a cute dress to fit into in two weeks, I’ve vowed to go to the gym at least three times this week. I’m a superhero, I can totally do it. Before I know it, I’m actually going to have a routine. Amazing. Tomorrow, I meet with the nutritionist and find out exactly how much poundage I’ve lost in the last 9 days. Wish me luck.