Archive for December, 2006

h1

Magpies United

December 30, 2006

Every time I come home to my family, it’s a bit of an emotional roller coaster. It’s been that way for as long as I can remember; since I left for college and the place where my parents were became a place that I visited rather than where I lived. Part of the drama stems from the fact that my parents are divorced and thus necessarily live apart from one another, requiring my siblings and I to shuttle back and forth between two houses whenever we come home.

Since the 8th grade, I’ve had two bedrooms, two houses, two families, and two of every holiday celebration. Growing up – in my middle school and high school years – my brothers, sister, and I rotated between both houses on a two-week schedule designed to give all parties a fair share of weekday and weekend time together. Though it was a cause of frustration at times, I give my parents a lot of credit for creating and sticking to that schedule. It is not every child that is lucky enough to have two parents so committed to being there for them, despite the obvious logistical difficulties.

For the holidays we split the key days in half and alternated the split in favor of a different parent each year. For example, we generally spent a few days before Christmas, Christmas Eve, and Christmas morning with one parent, and then Christmas afternoon and the days after with the other parent. The following year we would flip it, so that whichever parent had us for Christmas Eve and Christmas morning the year before would get us instead for Christmas afternoon and the days following it.

No matter how carefully the time was divided, someone was always alone and someone was always missing. That is the one truly sad thing about divorce to me; once a divorce occurs, unless your parents are those rare individuals who can tolerate being in one another’s company, there will always be someone missing at any given time. I wish it wasn’t like that. I wish my parents could get together on the holidays; that we could be one big extended family, instead of two disconnected ones. I wish that, even though I have accepted that it’s not going to happen.

Another cause of emotional tension is that my parents, and my time in each of their homes, are so different from one another. At my mom’s house, there’s just the four of us kids and my mom. She spoils us, tries her hardest to make every minute she has with us perfect (an impossible goal), and showers us with a lot of love. There’s excitement, joy, and affection, as well as stress, irritation, and sometimes anger, and it’s all genuine and out in the open. I love that about my family; we don’t hold things in and we don’t believe in sugarcoating. I always know where I stand with them. At my dad’s, things are a bit different in certain respects. There, the house is filled at Christmastime with my entire stepfamily, including infants and tweens, along with my dad and the four of us kids. In my dad’s house, there is a great deal of love, but a lot more rules. Conflict is kept more hush-hush, and my siblings and I are often far from the center of things. Neither house is better than the other, and I wouldn’t give up either one. They both have things I find wonderful and look forward to whenever I visit. However, the differences can sometimes be disconcerting.

This Christmas, my siblings and I spent the days before Christmas and Christmas morning with my mom, and then drove 45 minutes from The Woodlands to Katy to spend Christmas afternoon and the days following it with my dad. I sat in the back of my brother Bacchus’s car watching the stripmalls of Houston pass by, catching snippets of my brothers’ conversation over the thumping bass of Bacchus’ car stereo, thinking about other times the three of us, with Bean, had traveled from one house to the next. I heard a Blind Melon song (“All I can say is that my life is pretty strange”) and “Everything’s Zen,” by Bush, two songs I hadn’t heard in years, and thought back to times when I used to drive my mom’s white volvo across town in Connecticut with my brothers and sister in tow, when Frey and I were home from college and Bacchus and Bean were too young to drive.

I found myself thinking about how much I loved my brothers and sister, and how lucky I am to have them. Through all of this family drama – the good, the bad, and everything in between – my brothers and sister have been right there with me. They have their flaws (like me) and sometimes drive me absolutely insane, but I could not imagine my life without each of them. If roller coaster is what it’s got to be, there is no one I would pick over them to ride along with me.

h1

Great Success

December 28, 2006

I’ve been in Family Land for the past week and am on my way home today. Overall, it was less emotionally tumultuous than usual with several pockets of solid bonding and happiness. Everyone appeared to like their presents and there was only minor yelling. Great Success (Thanks to my brothers, several of Borat’s phrases have taken up permenant residence in my brain. I’m hoping the condition is temporary).

h1

Happy Birthday To Me!

December 22, 2006

Today, shockingly and unbelievably, I turned 32! I have all these thoughts percolating about my 31st year and where I am right now in the present moment, and eventually I’m sure a decent post will come out of it all. But for now, I have no time to indulge myself in looking anywhere but at my Christmas to-do list, which still contains a few gaps that I need to fill in with gifts for family members.

Thankfully, traveling from New York to Houston came off without much delay. I feel for all the poor people stuck in Denver! I was so tired this morning because after Em’s party I ended up going back to my place and cleaning and packing until almost 3 am. Waking up this morning at 7:30 was not fun. But, I rallied and since I got to my destination on time I really have nothing to complaint about. Em’s party was great and the food was delicious. She and her boyfriend M made vegetarian stuffed shells and asparagus just for me! So sweet! She also had these delicious chocolate-mint cookies that a friend of hers had brought (made with melted andes candies swirled atop each chocolate cookie) and Mississippi mud pie. Not a bad spread by any standard.

In terms of birthday celebrating, my mom gave me my presents after we got back from the airport. She got me a beautiful cashmere sweater from Ann Taylor and a gift certificate to Ohm Spa, a spa Bean discovered for us, along with a book of three of Jane Austen’s novels. My mom’s awesome like that. I’m so excited to get back to the city to use my certificate. Heavenly massage, here I come. I also just recently heard (at Em’s actually) that the Red Door and Oasis Spa were also good spas in the City. They’re now on my list. I also got wonderful calls from my friends wishing me Happy Birthday. Two even sang in their messages! I’m a lucky girl. Nothing else of note has happened today, except that the guy sitting next to me thought I was 26 or 27. Excellent! Apparently his eye sight is failing him which explains why he did not note my traitorous smile lines and grey hairs.

But enough of that, it’s my birthday and I’m off to shop and then going out to dinner with my mom at some snazzy place in The Woodlands. I might see my brothers too, which would be cool. Today, when Bacchus asked me how old I was, I said “28,” and he said, “I didn’t realize we were twins.” Yep, it’s true Bacchus; we’ve reached that point. This is as old as I’m getting. Bacchus and Frey will soon have what they’ve secretly coveted, the uncontested right to call themselves the oldest in the family. I no longer feel the need to defend that title.

h1

Thursday Thirteen # 21

December 21, 2006
Happy Holidays Everyone!!

Thirteen Things I Need To Do Before December 24th
1) Work. Draft a response to a counter-claim in an insurance case. Kill me now. I have 6.5 hours before I have to get out of here. Wish me luck.
2) Pop by the knitting store, Gotta Knit!, after work so that I can figure out how to finish my scarves before I wrap them up as gifts.
3) Pick up party supplies. I need to buy a bottle of wine and some goat cheese from the market in Grand Central for my friend Em’s holiday dinner party tonight. She’s making stuffed shells based on an old family recipe and cooking for 16!
4) Arrive at Em’s on time come hell, high water, or a 6 pm call from the partner on my insurance case.
5) Par-tay. There’s going to be a great group of people at Em’s tonight, along with a healthy supply of drinks, food, and good music. I’m ready to kick off the holiday celebrations, and if I do say so myself, I look pretty damn fine today.
6) After Em’s, I’m stopping by another party down in the village for a friend who’s coming back into town. That should also be fun, but I can’t stay out too, too late because of #7.
7) Pack. I have an early flight tomorrow morning out of Laguardia to Houston, where I’ll be spending the holidays with my family.
8) Pack. Yes, it’s on here twice. I have a lot of packing to do, and at this rate it will all probably happen in the wee hours of the morning. Not that there’s anything unusual about that.
9)Arrive at the airport on time (are you getting the sense that I’m a little stressed about the timing of all of this?). I’ve never taken a cab from the UES so I’m slightly nervous, but I’m sure it will go fine. It’s New York after all, and there are cabs everywhere.
10) Celebrate my b-day! Tomorrow, December 22, I turn, eh hem, 32. Ok, technically, celebrating my birthday is not something I have to do, but it’s something I’m going to do because, hello, it’s my birthday! I’ll spend most of it flying, as I do most years, but then I’ll arrive in TX, relax, and do something celebratory with my Mom that evening. Since 40 is the new 20, I guess I’m turning 16 tomorrow. Yeah! Now if only I had a car.
11) Finish my Christmas shopping. In light of the fact that I started my Christmas shopping on Saturday, I’m in excellent shape. However, I still have a few things I need to pick up.
12) Wrap all of my presents. It’s become a tradition of sorts that I spend part of the 23rd or 24th wrapping presents, usually assisted by Bean, with Bacchus acting crazy in the background, and all of us listening to our latest music mixes. Last year there was a lot of rap; this year, I’m expecting electronica. It’s something I look forward to every year because I get solid one-on-one QT with them.
13) Finish my freakin’ hours. God, I hate billables.

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

h1

Me Underneath Me

December 20, 2006

I’m in disguise today. On the surface, I look like a somewhat dressed down attorney in black slacks, black walking shoes, and a black zip-up sweater. (All black because I take glee out of wearing mourning attire to my job). But, underneath my conservative-looking garb is actually the subversive statement pictured at left. Yep, that’s right, and I’m damn proud of it. My uber-sweet friend Wood sent me a care package a few days ago that included this t-shirt from Mighty Girl. I think it’s hilarious and I plan to wear it out soon to the bars just so I can blog about the response.

In other news, Dragon Lady is still a complete and utter bitch! Shocking isn’t it? The nasty wench called me up today out of the blue to bitch me out for having to “track me down” after sending me an email request “a week ago.” What’s the biggest problem with that, you ask? She’s confused. The bi-atch sent me the request at 9:21 pm Thursday night. I replied first thing Tuesday morning. By my count, I responded to her with the answer to her question in 2 business days, not 5. And, do you know how hard it was for her to track me down? She picked up the phone and dialed my extension. Oh my god! That must have been such an ordeal for her. Fucking Bitch.

Through gritted teeth, after saying that I did not think a week had passed and that I did not realize she wanted the answer immediately, I added a terse, “I’m sorry if you were waiting,” which pretty much felt like I was force feeding myself gravel. She responded after a moment of tense silence punctuated only by her heavy breathing, “I have another call,” and then hung up. God, I hate that woman.

I called my friend Essa immediately after the nasty wench hung up on me to vent my rage. Every time I have to interact with her every single cell in my being decides that I have to leave this firm RIGHT NOW.

Sigh.

Per the counter at the end of my blog – that I haven’t yet changed – today would have been only 15 days until I was going to give my two weeks notice to this hell-hole under my original plan. Alas, with the chaos of the last couple of months, I had to change the plan. I’m ok with that because I know that I’ve been doing what I need to be doing, and I’m supremely impressed with myself for how I’ve handle everything so far.

The truth is that I would have had to change my original plan even if all of the personal issues hadn’t exploded in November. I have two pro bono cases that are lasting longer than expected, and as they stand right now, I probably won’t feel comfortable leaving them until at least February. My new revised plan, Plan C if you will, is to go enjoy the holidays and then come back and make finding a new job my #1 priority in life.

Now, if only the fucking bitch from hell would leave me alone, everything would be just fine. If she calls me one more time, she’s going to leave me no choice. I’m going to have to walk into her office with my sweater zipped open and show her who I really am and what I really think of her.

h1

Male Monsters, Polygamy, and Inequality

December 19, 2006

Below are my impressions of the last three books that I read. In writing out my thoughts, I realized that all of the books have a connection to feminism, though in the case of Frankenstein the feminist connection is through the author and less so through her novel. In all of the books women are murdered by males, and in two of the books, polygamy and its use in the subordination of young girls and women is explored to varying degrees. I highly recommend Under the Banner of Heaven and Princess.

Under The Banner Of Heaven: A Story of Violent Faith, by Jon Krakauer: I’m a huge fan of Jon Krakauer and years ago devoured Into the Wild and Into Thin Air, both powerful, gripping books. In Under The Banner of Heaven, Krakauer takes a different path and explores the relatively recent foundations of the Mormon religion and the roots and present-day practice of polygamy through an examination of the murders of a mother and her child by her Mormon fundamentalist brothers-in-law, the Lafferty brothers.

Joseph Smith, the founder of Mormonism, allegedly received the infamous “Celestial Marriage” (aka polygamy) revelation from God on or about July 12, 1843. God allegedly instructed Joseph that: “If any man espouse a virgin, and desire to espouse another…, then he is justified; he cannot commit adultery for they are given unto him… And if he have ten virgins given unto him by this law, he cannot commit adultery, for they belong to him, and they are given unto him; therefore he is justified… But if one or either of the ten virgins, after she is espoused, shall be with another man, she has committed adultery, and shall be destroyed; for they are given unto him to multiply and replenish the earth, according to this commandment.” (Under The Banner of Heaven, p. 127).

How singularly convenient for men and inconvenient for women! The back story on Joseph is that by the time he disclosed this divine “revelation” he was married, having affairs with multiple women, and his wife, Emma, was growing increasingly enraged with his infidelity. Krakauer writes, “Emma harangued Joseph so relentlessly about his philandering that the original intent of the revelation canonized as Section 132 seems to have been simply to persuade Emma to shut up and accept plural wives – while at the same time compelling her to refrain from indulging in any extracurricular sex herself.” (Under the Banner of Heaven, p. 126).

I give Joseph props for coming up with such an outrageous justification for his infidelity, but I’m appalled that his followers decided to believe in the divinity of his twisted rationalization. Of course, it was in the interests of Joseph’s male followers to believe in the revelation because like Joseph they stood to profit mightily from a male-dominated system of polygamy. For some time, Joseph and the leaders of the Mormons kept the revelation and the practice of polygamy a secret from the rest of their followers. The disclosure of the revelation ultimately lead to a schism between what is today the modern Church of Latter Day Saints (“LDS”), who publicly denounces polygamy, and the Fundamentalist Latter Day Saints (“FLDS”) who continue to practice polygamy openly in towns throughout the Midwest and in Canada and Mexico.

I was most disturbed by Krakauer’s accounts of the present day practice of polygamy – a practice that is marred by, in addition to severe gender inequality, incest, child abuse, and pedophilia. Krakauer repeatedly described instances of young girls as young as 12 and 14 ordered to become the plural wives of men old enough to be their grandfathers. He described accounts of fathers and other relatives raping their daughters and committing other types of physical abuse. The young girls who grow up within the FLDS are taught that the way to attain salvation is to practice polygamy; to them, the choice presented, if any, is the choice between hell or plural marriage. It seems understandable, given those choices, and the fact of women’s inequality within the FLDS, that young girls and women continue to participate in polygamy.

So horrible are the accounts that I found myself wondering why I hadn’t heard of an outcry against the present-day practice of polygamy. Why aren’t feminist organizations in Utah staging rescue operations in polygamous communities like they do in the brothels of Cambodia, or reaching out to the media to drum up awareness about the human rights violations being perpetrated against young girls in the name of fundamentalist Mormonism? Everyone should read this book and then try to figure out how to help the girls and women of the FLDS.

Princess: A True Story of Life Behind The Veil in Saudi Arabia, by Jean Sasson: My brother Bacchus gets credit for recommending this book to me, and I in turn want to recommend it to all of you. The book is a fascinating, appalling, and deeply disturbing look at the life of one of the many princesses of Saudi Arabia (her real name is kept confidential for obvious reasons). Through her story, we get a glimpse of the life of seclusion and subordination even the wealthiest and most privileged women in Saudi Arabia must lead.

For me, the book was incredibly eye-opening. I had not had any idea of the level of gender inequality in Saudi Arabia, and was also unaware of the political and social structure within the country in which a ruling class of thousands of princes and princesses live off of the proceeds of oil money. I had not realized that Saudi men take on plural wives, and had never read about the practice of bringing over domestic servants from countries such as the Philippines to serve not only as servants, but as the sexual playthings of young Saudi men. The level of inequality that women face in Saudi Arabia is breathtaking. They observe purdah (or seclusion) strictly and must be veiled completely before going out of their homes, are not allowed to speak with men unrelated to them, are forced into arranged marriages with older and sometimes abusive men, and are subjected to harsh and often-times fatal punishment for even the appearance of bringing dishonor upon their families.

In an interesting section, the author talks about the hopes held by some Saudi women at the start of the first Gulf War – when they saw female American soldiers in positions of power and other Arab women doing things, such as driving vehicles, prohibited under Saudi law – that the restrictions upon them might be relaxed. However, their hopes never materialized and according to this book women in Saudi Arabia continue to live today under the same system of oppression described so vividly in Princess.

It makes me sick that this level of gender inequality is allowed to persist in the world, let alone that the perpetrator is an ally of the United States. Women in Saudi Arabia are subordinated and disempowered, yet the media makes almost no mention of that reality, and GW, in the pictures that have been circulated of him shaking hands with and embracing male Saudi Royals, seems completely unconcerned about the status of Saudi women. As long as the U.S. has its access to oil, the lives, deaths, and disempowerment of women are apparently politically inconsequential.

The world needs to wake up and realize that the rights of women are human rights. As my young female clients so often plaintively point out, women and girls are human beings, and they deserve equal rights. Governments that deprive women of equal rights should be treated as violators of human rights and sanctioned accordingly. They should not be allowed to prance around as best buddies of the United States President. No price, however high, should justify the subordination of an entire group of people.

Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein: I’m one of those kids who in school was too busy reading all of my books to be bothered with the assigned reading of English class. I was able to get “A”s on my papers based on class discussion and skimming the books, so for the longest time I was completely unconcerned about the books that I hadn’t read. Now, however, I see the gaps in my education that skimming those classics produced, and I’m going back to fill in the holes left by my younger self.

One of those classics that had been on my list for some time was Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. I had been particularly interested in Frankenstein because of the author’s identity. Mary Shelley was the daughter of an early feminist theorist, Mary Wollstonecraft, the author of A Vindication of the Rights of Women.

Shelley’s novel tells the story of Dr. Frankenstein’s efforts to create life, and the well-known horrible consequences that occur upon his success. The creature Frankenstein causes to come to life is hideous in appearance, but gentle and “good” at the time of his creation. Scorned by Frankenstein and other humans he seeks to befriend, and grappling with loneliness and the fear and hatred his appearance generates in the hearts of those that behold him, the creature’s nature turns vengeful. When Frankenstein refuses to create a female version to assuage his loneliness, the monster turns on his creator and vows to destroy Dr. Frankenstein’s happiness, just as Dr. Frankenstein has destroyed any chances for the creature to find happiness.

I enjoyed the novel because it clarified details of the story of which I had been unaware. I found the creature to be sympathetic, and Dr. Frankenstein to be almost wholly unsympathetic. Dr. Frankenstein attempted to play God, and when he realized he had created something monstrous in appearance, he turned on his creation. As a result of his failings, his creation was irrevocably poisoned against him and against humanity. At any point, Frankenstein could have taken responsibility for his egregious mistake and informed the authorities of his creation and the fact that his creation had become a threat to those close to Frankenstein. In taking responsibility, he could have saved several lives. But Frankenstein never comes clean, and thus ends up much like the creature: alone, unhappy, and driven by one motivation, revenge. He becomes a reflection of the monster that he had created.

Frankenstein should be a cautionary tale against those who toy with the idea of tinkering with creation. I do not know how it is that we as humans came to be, and I do not know if there is a Creator somewhere out there in whose image we were made. However, I believe there are bounds that we should not cross, and one of those is the line between living and creating life through such artificial means as cloning. Frankenstein warns that attempts by humans to create life could result not only in the creation of monsters, but in the transformation of humans into reflections of their monstrous creations.

h1

Dating Ageism

December 18, 2006

I’ve been guilty of dating ageism for some time. In the last couple of years, it has popped up in the context of me being mildly sickened by men my age (late 20s, early 30s) trying to get into the pants of early 20-somethings who are generally, but not always, far from their equals in life experience, education, and financial independence. Knowing the men, often it’s abundantly clear that they are too intimidated or insecure to handle a relationship with a women their equal, and prefer trying to dive into girls they believe, sometimes amusingly in error, will be more easily managed and molded.

In the last week, I’ve come upon a new twist that pushes this scenario to new extremes, and I do not know what to make of it. My new flatmate, a 30-ish year old woman who is cute, fit, intelligent, well-traveled, and sophisticated, is dating a man who is more than twice her age. Her boyfriend of more than 2 years is, drum roll please, 70 years old. Before you make the obvious assumption, let me assure you, for what it’s worth, that she does not strike me as the gold-digging type. There’s no question that her boyfriend is insanely wealthy, and that she benefits in the form of trips, dinners, and being able to stay in his 5-bedroom townhouse, but she does not seem like she’s in it for the money. She actually comes off quite strong and independent. I swear! I also really like her, and other than this minor blip, she seems completely normal.

When I heard about all of this, the two questions that popped immediately to mind where: (1) What about SEX???; and (2) Aren’t you concerned that he might get sick and leave this earth long before you do? I didn’t touch the sex issue, but asked as diplomatically as possible a few questions about her thoughts on the future prospects of the relationship. She told me that she hopes to one day marry her boyfriend, and added – perhaps in response to my thinly disguised look of incredulity – that people can not control who they fall in love with. She also said that she would rather have a short time with someone she really loved, than to have no time at all, which seems eminently reasonable.

But, when I envision getting married, I picture the excitement of building and sharing a life and family together with someone; not being attached to someone for 5 or 10 years with the expectation that they might soon become too frail to function or possibly die from old age. In this situation, her boyfriend, an incredibly accomplished, successful, and charming gentlemen has already built a life for himself. He’s been married and divorced, he’s made millions of dollars, he’s traveled the world. I have to wonder, what is left for him to build with her?

It seems likely that he’s looking for someone with whom to share a part of his already built life; perhaps even the remainder of it. Maybe all he wants and needs at this point in his life is an attractive companion, and if so, the deal is not a bad one for him. But what about for my flatmate? What about the hordes of attractive, intelligent, confident, kind, sophisticated, sexy men under the age of 70 (or say 38) that she could be dating and/or sleeping with? (Caveat: I have not actually seen these “hordes” of eligible men, but I choose to firmly believe that they exist). Can a 30-ish year old woman really be satisfied sexually with a 70 year old man? Even with viagra, and even if he’s in excellent shape for a 70-year old, he’s still 70. Maybe I appreciate my male eye candy, smooth skin, and muscles a little too much, or have a sexuality charged too much on superficial characteristics? Call me crazy, but I think a nice ass is hot, and I like my boy to be able to toss me around in bed. I don’t want to feel like I might hurt him if things get a little…fun.

I can not go any further down this mental path. Though I’m trying very hard not to be judgmental, I can not imagine being physically intimate with someone so much older than me. It would be one thing if I was 60 or 70 or 80; at any of those ages, I’m sure I would think my flatmate’s distinguished boyfriend was hot. But, at the age of 31, 70 year old men remind me of my grandfather. The way I’m wired, that connection – to a grandfatherly image – results in every sexual circuit I have clenching up and collectively squealing “ewwh!

I couldn’t do it. Could you? Have you?

h1

Six Eclectic Things About B&B

December 15, 2006

We’ve been tagged bySparky Duck, the Philly Transplant. The rules: You list 6 weird/eclectic things about you, and then tag 6 other people to do the meme. Don’t forget to leave a comment on their blogs letting them know that they have been tagged! Bean and I decided to mix things up a bit, and came up with 3 eclectic things about the other person. Here are the results:

3 Things About Buttercup (By Bean):

1) Buttercup went through a punk phase post-college where she pierced multiple body parts including her eyebrow, tongue, nose, and lip. She thought she looked “sparkly.” During the same period of time, she dyed her hair frequently. One time, she decided that she was going to dye her hair a dark purple and mine a strawberry-blonde. Her hair came out a dark, almost black purple, and mine came out a bright red. My mom flipped out and dragged me to the salon to get it fixed. Buttercup refused to “fix” her hair.

2) Even though Buttercup is a huge feminist, she loves shows like America’s Next Top Model. I don’t understand how a feminist can love a show about all those skinny girls obsessed with their physical appearances whose greatest ambitions in life are to become a model. But, Buttercup loves it. She also thinks men should pay on “dates” and does not believe in “going Dutch.”

3) Buttercup reads tons of fantasy and sci-fi books, and loves shows like “Charmed,” about witches, wizards, and dragons. She also genuinely wishes that she had magical powers. When she was younger, whe was convinced that she did have magical powers, and that in order to access them she had to focus on unlocking the 90% of her brain that Einstein says we don’t use. She would sometimes “practice” trying to unlock her powers by attempting to cause things to move with the force of her will. As far as I know, she has not yet been successful in unlocking her magical powers.

3 Things About Bean (By Buttercup):

1) Bean does this weird things where she sidles up close to me, as if to hug me, and then, while she’s gently clinging to my body, starts tickling me. It’s really weird and very hard to describe, and it drives me insane because I’m very ticklish. If she attempted to tickle me forcefully, I could deal with that. But the way she kind of attaches to me, it’s very difficult to combat.

2) Bean loves whole milk and she drinks at least a glass of it each day. Gross! The super weird thing about this is that she drank whole milk before she got pregnant, and is not just doing it because of the pregnancy. She drinks whole milk straight, with no chocolate mixed in. To me, that would be the equivalent of sucking on a cow’s udder, something I don’t fancy doing anytime soon. But, she loves it.

3) After finding out that she was pregnant, Bean decided that it was a perfect time to get a second dog. I don’t know if that fits into the weird or stark-raving-mad category, but it’s definitely odd. She swears that it made perfect logical sense because by bringing in a new puppy into the family she was making sure that her other dog would not get lonely once the baby arrived. That kind of makes sense, but for someone who can not imagine taking care of one dog, let alone a dog and a baby, the idea of adding another dependent creature into the mix seems just a tad crazy.

The following people should consider themselves tagged: Heather, Starshine, Lass, Gypsy, Artemis, and Baraka. We’re looking forward to reading your posts!

h1

Is My Id Preggers?

December 14, 2006

I usually don’t have pregnancy dreams, but in the last week I’ve had two! In the first dream, I was pregnant and struggling with overwhelming guilt because I had been drinking beers during my pregnancy. WTF?? I knew that I was pregnant because my stomach was growing larger each day and when I rested my hand on my belly I could feel the dream baby kicking against my palm. In the dream, I was having heated, horror-struck conversations with my friends where I was telling them how I had been drinking one or two beers per night for a few weeks, and I was terrified that I had somehow harmed my baby’s development. The bizarre thing was that it was like I had just suddenly realized that that might be a possibility. My friends were trying to reassure me, but failing miserably.

I understood part of that dream. I had it my first night in my new apartment, after spending my last week at my ex’s place packing up my belongings, watching SATC and HBO marathons. During that somewhat trying week, I pretty much survived on pizza and the best beers ever, and had at least one, if not 2, beers each night. Interestingly, I had no dreams during that last week; at least none that I recall. Drinking beer by myself, at home, during the middle of the week, was unprecedented for me, and apparently it generated some guilt in my mind – even though at the time I thoroughly enjoyed it. I remember thinking randomly at one point towards the end of the week that I was happy the move was finally going to happen because then I could go back to more healthier habits. So, I understand the beer. But, the pregnancy? I have no idea where it came from.

Last night, I had another pregnancy dream. In the second dream, I was pregnant but no one knew. I had started to show (even though no one knew), and I was coyly trying to hide my somewhat obvious bump (that everyone should have been able to see, but somehow didn’t). In the dream, the baby was my ex’s, which was somewhat ironic. At some point in the dream, my swollen belly hardened, and started to hurt. I was becoming worried and didn’t know what was going on. At some point, I sat down on a bed covered in white sheets. When I got up to leave, I looked back and discovered that I had left three bloodstains behind. It turned out that the cramping and pain had been because I was getting my period, and not because I was pregnant. My subconscious provided no explanation for the bump or the hardening of my stomach.

What the heck does that mean? (Here’s one possible interpretation).

As if that was not enough to ponder, I just got an email from my ex on my work email, out of the blue, telling me that he thought I would want to know that two of our friends are pregnant. He has a knack for doing things unthinkingly that I find completely inexplicable. The last time I spoke with him was last Saturday, when I politely called to let him know that I had removed all of my belongings from his apartment, and that he could move back in. Getting back to whether I would want to know from him that two of our sort-of-mutual friends are expecting… No, not really. Thanks anyway, but I actually do not need him emailing me that others are engaged in happily wedded, expectant bliss. After years of trying to make it work with him, I actually don’t need or want him for anything anymore, thank you very much.

I can hear great news like that from others fine, and be thrilled for them, like my own sister, Bean (who I’m so happy is engaged in happily wedded, expectant bliss). But, from him? I don’t think so. Sometime ago, Jennifer Aniston, talking about Brad Pitt, remarked that he was missing a “sensitivity chip.” Apparently, many men are missing the same chip. Watch out, Angelina!

Despite the possible cravings of my id, thank God my ego kept me from going down that road with someone who so clearly was not right for me. The man I choose to have a baby with will have to come with a built-in sensitivity chip for sure!

Update: I was just talking to Bean about the picture I posted with this post (not Bean’s tummy) and telling her how I thought it was fake, but wild. She started telling me that apparently this can happen, that mothers can see the limbs of their children pushing out against their stomach! Is this true? She also said that our Mom said (this is now third hand) that when she was pregnant she could see our feet pushing out against her stomach, similar to the posted picture. As Bean was telling me that, I started to feel faint and like I was going to vomit. I don’t know if I could handle that. It’s too alien-esque for me.

h1

Thursday Thirteen # 20

December 14, 2006
Thirteen Issues/Questions Regarding Blogger
1) Some people – I’m not naming names – have switched over to Beta Blogger (the “new version” of Blogger), and it’s causing me problems when I attempt to comment on their sites.
2) Although the “new version” says that you can sign in with your Google or Blogger password, for some bizarre reason several sites that have switched over to the dark side do not accept my Blogger password for commenting purposes.
3) I have a google account but it’s in my actual name and signing on with it would defeat the anonymity of my blog. My firm would not like that.
4) Neither would I; I like my anonymity. It’s fun!
5) In order to leave comments on those sites, I’ve had to leave them “anonymously” and then write in my name and http address into my comment. That takes forever.
6) Is this all part of Google’s master plan to googlize the world?
7) This is all making me think that maybe I would like to switch from Blogger to somewhere else. Any suggestions?
8) But, if I switched to somewhere else, then I would still have the same problem commenting upon sites that have switched to the new version of Blogger, right?
9) Blogger has been pretty good to me, but there have been numerous problems with publishing. On occasion, I’ve lost whole posts, or been shut out of the system for hours. Does this happen on other systems, such as Typepad?
10) Bean & I have been wanting to revamp our blog with a new design. If we do this while we’re still with Blogger, will that carry over to a new system?
11) I’m reaching now, to make it to 13, but I have been aggravated on occasion when Blogger refuses to let me post pictures. Often times that’s what takes me the longest, not writing, but waiting for my pictures to post!
12) My last point of frustration has nothing to do with Blogger, but it has to do with my inability to reach it as frequently as I could before I moved into my new place. Frey was holding my computer for me in safe-keeping, and we have not yet worked out the logistics of me getting it back. That means that my only computer access since I moved has been at work!
13) At work, since our computer system limits our ability to download, not only can I not play solitaire, I can’t download the tags from del.icio.us or bloglines that let me organize my links. Oh, the aggravation!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!