Predator or Moron, Begone!

Last night, at approximately 11:00 pm, I was walking home on 8th Avenue, when I noticed that someone had fallen into step beside me. I had been feeling sad and had been focusing on covertly wiping the tears away from my eyes, instead of on my surroundings, so I’m not sure when he noticed me or for how long he had been following me.

For a few paces I ignored him, hoping that he would just go away, which is often how I deal with unwanted male attention. He didn’t go away. He said “hi” or something like that, and I glanced to my left to assess him. He was a large white male in his 20s or early 30s, probably 80 lbs heavier than me, with blond spiked hair and glassy eyes. He had a series of chain links, that I think were part of his clothes, draped over his shoulders and around his upper arms. From my quick glance, I determined he was not a homeless beggar, not drunk but potentially on drugs (you can never rule that out), and not your typical (older white male) serial killer. Something about him, maybe just that he started following me, struck me as emotionally disturbed.

Continuing to walk, I replied with a brief “hello” and then fixed my eyes pointedly ahead of me. Saying nothing and being rude felt risky because encounters like these are unpredictable and I didn’t want to give him an opportunity to get angry or allow him to think that I was afraid of him, which I wasn’t, at least not yet. Eighth Avenue is a fairly busy street, with a fair amount of lights and shops that are open late, and I felt safe for the moment.

Keeping pace with me, he asked, “Hey, would you like to get some coffee or something with me?” I glanced at him again and said, I think with a note of disbelief in my voice – disbelief that he was trying to pick me up while following me down the street in the middle of the night, and disbelief that this interruption was happening while my cheeks were still damp with tears – “No,” while shaking my head for emphasis. Not no thanks, just “no” with an inflection of you’ve got to be crazy if you think any woman would say yes under these circumstances.

What on earth could that guy have been thinking to start following me and then ask me to go out with him? Was I so attractive to him that he couldn’t resist? Did he think I was asking for that type of attention in my jeans and shoulder-baring top? Or, did he think I was easy prey because I looked sad and like I had been crying? The last thought gives me shivers.

If he’s a psychopath who wanted to do me harm, it makes sense why he was following me. If he’s not a psychopath, he’s an irresponsible moron, because by now there have been enough Take Back the Nights for men to know that women will likely perceive following them in the middle of the night and approaching them as threatening behavior.

As a woman, I am very aware of the risks involved with walking around the streets of New York at night, and I’m aware that those risks are greater for me because I am a woman than they are for men in general. Not that men don’t get assaulted, robbed, murdered, and sometimes raped, because they do. But on average, I have a far greater chance than a man of being the victim of a rape or violent crime, and I tend to be smaller in stature than my potential attackers. That’s the reality I face every time I walk home alone, which I did last night.

Fortunately, when I said “no” last night, my pursuer backed off. For a beat or two, he kept pace with me, and I thought I was going to have a problem, but then he slowed down and let me walk ahead. I didn’t look back to see if he had really stopped following me. I didn’t want it mistaken for interest of any kind. I just pulled out my keys and kept them firmly in hand. Did you know that when you punch someone while gripping an object, such as keys, in your fist, the force of your punch is magnified? I read that once somewhere. Keys would also be a good weapon to use for stabbing someone in the face, eyes, throat, or on the back of their hand. Brutal thoughts, yes, but necessary for survival at times.

When I made the turn down the darker, less busy street that I live on, I allowed myself a quick glance over my shoulder and the coast seemed clear. I walked on the road, away from the shadowy edge where the buildings meet the sidewalk, and I kept my ears alert for the slightest sound of movement behind me. I was so relieved once I had reached my apartment building and locked the door behind me.

This reminds me that I should probably start carrying mace or a panic whistle. Apparently, both are good for fending off bears, as well as human males. Good to know.

New Reality TV Show: American Moms In Africa

Tonight, on the Travel Channel is the premier of a reality TV show, Mom’s On The Road To Africa, featuring, as the title suggests, 8 moms who leave their kids for 6 weeks to live in Africa. I’m curious to see the show as one of the moms is a friend of a friend. It’s particularly fascinating to watch a reality TV show when you actually know one of the participants. Part of the interest is taking a certain amount of glee in comparing your knowledge of the “real” person to their portrayal on TV.

Another reason I’m interested in the show is because of its stated premise – to challenge American moms by putting them in a totally different environment, i.e. Africa. I’m slightly annoyed at this premise because of the us-other comparison being set up between moms in Africa and moms in the United States, as if they were diametric opposites. From what I know about the show, they seem to have picked moms who would have been the most challenged by living away from the American, middle-class, comforts of home. But, that’s just TV trying to be interesting, and apparently it’s worked because I’m interested.

The last reason I’m interested is because of the concept of young moms leaving their babies. I’m all for the idea of moms having private time and me-time to stay healthy and happy, and such an experience could be incredibly enriching to the mom, and thus her children and family, but six weeks in Africa just seems a little….long. OMG, I’m coming dangerously close to sounding like I’m preaching about family values! It will be interesting to see how that dynamic plays out.

As I said, it premiers tonight. Check it out! I have to miss it, but am trying to find someone to record it for me. (I’ve been informed by Wood that “taping” shows is passe, but without TIVO or a DVR what’s a girl to do?). After missing America’s Next Top Model last night and now this show tonight, I’m starting to think that TIVO might be a good idea.

Thursday Thirteen (Photos)

First things first: Bean’s having a baby!!! Read her post announcing the wonderful news here!

13 Photos From My Vacation

1) The view from atop Sulphur Mountain:

2) Banff, Alberta Canada:

3) Elk mating ground in Banff:

4) The reflection on the surface of Lake Moraine:

5) The Tea House on Lake Agnes:

6) Lake Louise and a little tree:

7) The perfect place to stay for a night or two on a romantic hiking honeymoon (Hint, Hint, Pas’s fiance):

Buttercup hiking through the woods in Jasper:

9) Bean’s Lake:

10) Our view after Buttercup saved Raj from the bears:

11) Chasing a rainbow on the way to Vancouver:

12) The other side of the rainbow:

13) The closest I got to an Orca, whale-watching off the coast of Victoria:

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!
The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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We’re Having a A Baby!

WUHOO!! That is the well known response from my mom when she heard the news and a response that I will never forget. Tex and I are pregnant with our first child! We are absolutely elated with joy, way nervous, too anxious, and soooo excited! We are 3 months and 5 days into our pregnancy. The due date of our “little pumpkin” what I so kindly have nicknamed the baby is April 7th.

I have been with Tex going on 6 years now, and can remember discussing children years ago but never thought the day would actually arrive. We both cleared up early on in the relationship if one another wanted to have children, and luckily I was so kind to say yes I would be the bearer of children for sure, and he so kindly said I will contribute to the making of a child. And now even with a huge milestone in a pregnancy completed, the first trimester, it still feels like the day will not come soon enough when I can hold my precious little one. I am thrilled to be a mom and thrilled to have a husband who will be an excellent dad.

We have had 3 doctor visits so far and to catch you all up…here it is in a nutshell. No morning sickness for me, but my migraines are awful, worse than awful, debilitating. So far I have gained a whole 14 lbs, the doctor says I am doing great, and to proceed with whatever I am doing. On August 25th, an unexpected sickness made me go to the doc’s office. I was put on IV and good painpills to calm a horrible migraine, yes a migraine put me out; I never thought a migraine could be that bad, but that was my diagnosis. The docs wanted to make sure the preg wasn’t ectopic, so they ordered an ultrasound. Tex was by my side the whole time. We saw the little one and got 2 pics on the 25th, it was the coolest thing in the world, and the strangest knowing that there is a little human being growing in my belly. We didn’t hear the heartbeat but it was pumping at 162. Then on September 15th, we heard the heartbeat, Tex almost cried, and all I could do was giggle and then stop breathing so I could hear the baby’s heartbeat. It was racing away at 170.

So Wuhoo! We are having a baby! Tex and I will be parents , my parents will be grandparents and my sister will be an aunt and brothers will be uncles! It’s weird that having a baby impacts the whole family. But I am already really excited for the little one that they have such cool relatives and an awesome Mom and Dad waiting.

(This photo is from the front page of www.babycenter.com How cute!)

Lake Moraine, My Mental Oasis

I have embarked on a new era in Buttercup & Bean. I purchased my first digital camera during my vacation in Canada, and from now on I will be able to share my very own pictures on our blog. I’m so excited, and quite proud of myself for hooking all this up tonight. I know it’s only a CD and a usb cord, but still, I did it!

To kick things off, I present to you a photo I took of Lake Moraine, in the Canadian Rockies located north of Banff, Canada:

Pretty fantastic, don’t you think? Really, I don’t deserve any of the credit. The lake is so gorgeous that it would be impossible to take a bad picture of it.

I’ve decided to make it my “happy place.” You know, the place I can go to in my mind to zen out when I need a mental escape from Dragon Lady and all of the worries of the day. I think it would be a nice image to meditate on as well.

I could have stayed there for hours. Can you imagine waking up to a view like that each morning? I want to go back!

I Return, Bravely, Sans Gas Mask

Raj and I arrived late last night at JFK after a 5 1/2 hour flight from Vancouver. By the end of the journey I was antsy to be home, if only to have my own bed and to be able to put my bags down without the need to pick them up anytime soon. From the cab window, my first view of the Midtown tunnel made my stomach tighten as I thought about work. I looked to the lights of the city, expecting to feel happiness at returning home, but instead felt a curious lack of excitement. It was strange and unexpected because usually returning to the city incites within me a feeling of exhilaration, along with the normal feelings of happiness associated with coming home.

I rolled down my window and the air of the city washed over me. In stark contrast to the clean, fresh air of the Canadian Rockies, the air in New York felt gritty and stale, and evoked images of millions of microscopic suspended carcinogenic particles. The air smelled smoky, not like cigarettes, but rather like the hot acrid smell of of burned gas or wood. Mixed in with the smokiness were hints of garbage, sewage, exhaust, pretzels, unidentifiable pollutants, and sudden flashes of perfume.

Awash in this odiferous bouquet, picturing ash particles flowing into my lungs, I suddenly realized why the health-conscious and environmentally aware Canadians and Europeans would find New York filthy, repugnant, and dangerous. The air alone is probably all of these.

By the time the cab stopped in front of our apartment, the air had begun to feel normal, and I felt a sense of relief to see our purple-curtained bedroom window. I struggled to find the keys at the bottom of my backpack and then pushed the door open, holding it with one foot so that Raj could pass through with most of our luggage. As I went to enter our apartment building, a heavily made-up woman with bright blonde hair, high platform heels, and a mini-skirt sashayed somewhat clumsily down the hall towards the door. I let her pass, and saw that she was actually one of our male neighbors decked out in drag. “Looks like we’re home,” I said to Raj.

Thursday Thirteen (Banff/Jasper Vacation)

13 Things I’ve Loved About My Vacation

1) Horseback riding in Jasper National Park.

2) Discovering a hidden lake with my sister’s name.

3) Hiking through the woods with Raj behind me convinced that bears were going to eat us.

4) The tea house on Lake Agnes.

5) Sleeping in and snuggling.

6) The drive from Banff to Jasper through the mountains listening to Radiohead.

7) Sampling the Canadian microbrews.

B&Bs, and the fact that Raj found us a beautiful one on a island outside of Vancouver.

9) Canadians, eh.

10) The woods, mountains, lakes and gorgeous natural scenery.

11) The promise of shopping and a bit of pampering in Vancouver.

12) Snacking on the best caramel kettle corn ever while hiking through Banff.

13) No Dragon Lady!

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!
The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Jasper

Raj and I have had a wonderful time during the last few days. In Banff, the highlights were a hike up Sulphur Mountain (thank you Wordnerd!), and a hike through Johnston Canyon with its waterfalls, gurgling creek, and crystal clear water. The sound of the river flowing over the rocks sounded so relaxing I wanted to fall asleep on the trail!

North of Banff, we went to Lake Louise and Lake Moraine. Can we say gorgeous? Both lakes were breathtakingly beautiful. Picture a serene lake of a milky turquoise blue, surrounded by a backdrop of majestic mountains, fir trees, and an endless blue sky dotted with just the right amount of puffy white clouds. It felt a little bit like a fairly land. Pictures will be forthcoming. Never fear. And the woods! Let’s not forget about the woods! Hiking through the trails deep within the trees, Raj and I would periodically stop and stand perfectly still, listening to the absolute silence of the forrest. Occasionally we did that to make sure there weren’t any bears or mountain lions creeping up on us, but most of the time we did it to appreciate the soft silence. Tranquility.

From Banff, we drove north through the Columbia Icefields, saw a few glaciers from afar and were surrounded by mountain vistas in all directions until we arrived in the town of Jasper, a small mountain town. Driving in to town, we saw a large deer with a huge rack of antlers. Later, while we were walking back from dinner, we saw a whole crowd of deer walking down the middle of the road. Three deer had climbed a fence and were standing in the middle of someone’s front yard nibbling their tree. I was so excited, trying to get pictures (none of which came out since it was dark, except for one of a deer’s behind), and Raj was focused on keeping me away from the deer so they wouldn’t stampede us, that we ended up missing our b&b by a whole two blocks.

Today, we found a nifty little place to eat, the Black Sheep, ate a hearty breakfast, and also discovered that they have internet connections! Isn’t it odd how it’s so much easier to stay connected in Southeast Asia than it is in Canada (true for the US as well, of course)? Here, we’ve been cut off from the world. Our cell phones don’t work, we haven’t seen TV, and it’s hard to find internet computers. In Southeast Asia, they’re on every corner. I shouldn’t say totally cut off – despite my protestations, Raj brought his blackberry. Luckily, he’s only been using it to check his sports scores.

It looks like rain, and Raj and I are going to try to get some horseback riding in this afternoon, so I gotta run. We made a deal and I’ve promised to do white-water rafting tomorrow. Pray for my appendages which are already atrophying in terror of the chilly temperatures.

Banff Winter Wonderland

Raj and I arrived in Banff late this afternoon after a long journey from New York. We started at 5:30 am, got into Calgary at 2 pm, stopped at an electronics store to get me a digital camera (!!!!), and then drove to Banff, a cute mountain town similar to Park City, Utah.

By far the smartest thing Raj and I have done so far on this trip was to reserve our rental car through travelocity prior to arriving in Calgary. It saved us almost half the cost! Pretty awesome.

The least smart thing Raj and I have done – so far – is to have completely got our seasons off when packing and planning this trip. We had been envisioning a late-summer, early-fall hiking, white-water rafting, and climbing trip with lots of sunshine, warm temperatures during the day, and cool nights. Yesterday, when we checked the temperature in Alberta and B.C. for the first time, we were a bit thrown off at discovering that the high was in the 40s-50s. We chose to assume that that must mean the nighttime temperature, thus allowing ourselves to continue the delusion of a warm-weather vacation.

You can imagine our surprise that all of the mountains and much of the ground around these parts is covered with snow. Yes, I said snow. The freezing, cold white stuff that necessitates the covering of human bodies with scarves, caps, gloves, boots, long-sleeved layers, long underwear, and thick down jackets – precisely all of the items that Raj and I neglected to pack in our suitcases. Thank god we both brought our fleeces – we would have frozen our butts off without them. The seven tank-tops I packed are beyond useless. Aesthetic layering is not going to cut it for the next week.

It’s going to be ok though because Banff has a ton of stores, and I’m not adverse to shopping. There may be a few changes in planned activities, as I’m not that excited about the idea of white-water rafting in wet suits – can we say hell on earth? I think a suitable replacement would be a soak in the hot springs and a massage at a spa. Now that would be a vacation.

Last Minute Everything

I’ve been running around like a madwoman today, preparing for my vacation. Tomorrow morning, at 8 am sharp, Raj and I take off for British Columbia for 9 days. Banff, Jasper, Vancouver, hiking, river rafting, natural beauty, freezing cold temperatures, no itinerary, and no b&bs or hotels booked yet, here we come! That’s what happens when you’re two busy lawyers working at firms. You grudgingly get a vacation but no time to plan it.

Raj has been working like a dog, so it’s up to me to do the laundry, pack, take out the trash, do the dishes, and look for hiking shoes. In addition, I have to wait around and wait for my bank to deliver a temporary ATM card because apparently a large number of card numbers – including mine – were “compromised” (i.e. stolen). On top of that, I’m going to see my two little friends, who I promised I would see before I left for vacation.

Raj and I had been planning on camping until today when we started talking about the trip and realized that (a) my backpack is packed in storage, (b) Raj has no sleeping bag, (c) most of the campgrounds might be closed since their season ends in mid-September, and (d), the deal-breaker, currently the temperature is apparently 32 degrees Fahrenheit. That’s cold people. Freakin’ freezing. So, we’ve moved on to focusing on the b&b option.

Where ever we stay, and whatever happens, I think we’re going to have an awesome time. Everyone who says anything about B.C. always raves about how gorgeous and amazing it is. I can’t wait to be outside! I can’t wait to be among the trees and mountains!! I’m so excited!